Just Another Stupid Boyfriend: An Angry Letter

Dear Greg,

                Although I admire the way you make my mother happy, I feel the complete opposite about you. Your effort to replace my dad is disgusting, and I do not know what my mom sees in you. All of your efforts to make me like you only makes me hate you so much more.

                As you may have noticed, every time you and your irritating children enter MY house, I run off to my room and do not leave until you decide you are done torturing my family. I make up some lame excuse such as “I need to study” but in reality, I’m just sitting there and playing on my phone.

                One horrible Saturday afternoon, my mom begged me to at least TRY to talk to you. I attempted to make her proud of me, but your stupidity was too much for me to handle. Trying to convince me that “9/11 is a conspiracy” or “the Titanic didn’t really sink” is the most idiotic thing I’ve ever heard.

                Also, your effort to make my own mother hate me makes me want to drown your soul in a dark coffin and leave you there to die. I understand that you have a different parenting method than my mom, but I have become a great person by learning from my own mistakes. I do not need to be yelled at every five seconds for not being a perfect child. You should focus on how horrible and annoying your own kids are before worrying about me and my sister.

                YOU are the reason I never have my phone. You somehow convince my mom to take my beloved cellular device for multiple weeks. However, what you don’t know is I secretly communicate with my friends through my old phone, which I keep hidden in my room.

                What ticks me off more than anything else about you is the fact that you ENCOURAGE my sister to bully me. Telling her that I shouldn’t find it offensive when she calls me retarded, is doing the complete opposite of what my parents have been trying to teach her for years. The fact that you think its okay for her to call me these horrific names makes me want to hurl in your face.

                So, if you don’t mind, stay out of my life. I will never like you, your children, or your lack of a brain. All of your efforts to replace my dad are failing, so just leave me and my family alone.

                                                                                                                Sincerely,

                                                                                Your least favorite child in the world.